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Waking Up To A New Reality

By Mehmet UCA

And it was snowing
like autumn leaves
and we liked the way it fell on our
bare heads and hands,
One of those days that not even city buses
dared to run,
the whole avenue was ours,
and we were like kids,
with our underfed bodies and over fed hearts,
we had loves that were bigger than our bodies,
and we know we could not
do much,
about the snow,
nor about our loves,
we could, though, play like little kids,
trying to weather away the snow
and weather away our loves,
our loves were too big to hide,
too big to manifest,
did not want to be contained,
were flowing out of our bodies
and onto the snow.
the snow was getting nastier,
beyond our control.
With our loves wasted on to the snow
we wanted to grow up
grow up faster, and faster,
what ever it took.

we were playing in the snow,
laughing and screaming like little kids,
we knew life was much bigger than
a snowball hit,
much serious,
our loves were bigger than our bodies,
flowing onto the snow,
making us cut the childish game,
we knew we could not run from reality for good,
soon it would stop snowing,
beyond our control,
and we had to control our lives,
we had to get more serious,
if we wanted to catch up with our loves.
our loves were much bigger than our bodies,
they flowed constantly,
and beyond our control,
what was wrong,
or not at all,
maybe was the only right thing,
our loves were bigger than our lives
they steered us in a way,
they pushed us to mature,
we were still these young kids,
willing to jump up, to catch a fly in the air,
or a leave on a branch,
we wanted to be left alone,
alone with our loves,
with our bigger than life,
and bigger than body, loves
we wanted to grow up faster and faster,
we wanted to contain our loves
soon the snow stopped,
and back we were to reality
to the race in school,
fashion and the girls,
was added,
rescuing the motherland,
think of it
with our underfed bodies and minds,
rescuing the fatherland,

we were divided, and subdivided,
to parties, factions and cliques,
mostly genuine,
some show off too,
our loves were bigger
than our bodies,
and we wanted to contain them,
as manifestation meant
aborting the revolution,
we changed every step of the way
as we grew up
we lost the fun,
we lost the snow
and the ball.
became all too serious
about our loves,
and much less our lives,
we lost the smile and the laughter,
the soft heartedness,
the tolerance.

Became too rigid, too unforgiving
wasted our loves,
or spared them as they
or we failed,
there we were wide open,
this was our way of changing the world,
with thoughts that were
smaller than our loves
soon to be hit by big storms,
in this unforgiving land,
soon to be shattered like a crystal
falling from the sky,
and breaking into millions of pieces.
our loves were bigger
than our bodies,
and bigger than our minds,
so big that
to ruin our lives.
frowning faces,
our loves were shattered,
our lives were ruined,
torn into millions of pieces.
we were the premature
in need of rescue
too proud to acknowledge,
too far to be heard
our loves were bigger than our bodies
out of touch,
away from realities,
like driving in a freezing snowy day
in up state New York,
thousands of miles away from home,
it is the same snow,
with no balls,
no friends,
life goes on as you know,
the shivering cold has the sweetest touch
of awakening,
from a long coma
where a childhood was lost,
a new discovery of humanity,
our weaknesses and strengths,
almost too old to reconnect
with our own youth,
the loves are nowhere to be found,
the bodies empty,
the cold is shivering,
awaking me to a new reality

July 28. 2000, New York


This issue is dedicated to: FM-2030
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of Fall 2000


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